Who is the baddest man on the planet?
If you say Mike Tyson, I will roundhouse kick you back into reality.
If you say anybody other than Chuck Norris, I will beat you into submission
Here are some of my favorite Chuck Norris-isms Enjoy, I know I did!
Chuck Norris wears bear traps on his feet instead of sandals.
Chuck Norris once took sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris falls into water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that actually is "his" way.
Chuck Norris never wears a motorcycle helmet. The concrete always scoots out of the way.
Chuck Norris played a game of Russian roulette with a fully-loaded gun and won.
When Chuck Norris' remote control batteries die, the remote continues to function out of pure terror.
For every answer on the SAT test, write in "Chuck Norris." You will automatically score a 1,600.
The Titanic sank when it struck Chuck Norris doing laps in the North Atlantic. Chuck Norris would have stopped to save the survivors, but he didn't notice the impact.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the Devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the Devil in the face and took his soul back. The Devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
There is no Santa Claus. On Christmas Eve, Chuck Norris circumnavigates the globe in his pickup truck dispensing gifts to good children and roundhouse kicks to bad ones. The children, upon receiving these kicks, die.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
If you can see CHUCK NORRIS, CHUCK NORRIS can see you. If you can't see him, you may be seconds away from death
Chuck Norris never wears a motorcycle helmet. The concrete always scoots out of the way.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Darkness is not the absence of light. It is the presence of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Bigfoot didn't believe in Chuck Norris. That was his first mistake.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris has his cake and eats it too.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.
Chuck Norris was Darth Vader's father.
